Butchblog

1. The world is a dangerous place, so keep a low profile.

2. It’s not a good idea to laugh, have fun, or show joy. You never know who might take advantage of you.

3. Children should neither cry or laugh too much. It’s unseemly.

            As Mom told us kids, “Keep crying and I’ll really give you something to cry about.”

4. Other people are not to be trusted—other being anyone outside the immediate family.

5. Jews are special people and so everybody hates us; it’s best to not speak of our Jewishness.

6. Nothing is ever good enough. If one of the kids got a report card with 4 A’s and 1 B, the only comment would be,  Why the B?

7. Be suspicious of most everything—there’s always something bad around the corner.

8. Be quiet. Don’t express personal opinions. Especially if you’re a child.

9. Art and sports are frivolous pursuits. The only important things in life are getting a top education and a good, prestigious job. Imagine the horror when I announced I would become a writer rather than a doctor.

10. Religion has no particular significance one way or the other.

A coda to the above: I believe my parents meant well and were influenced by the particular traumas of their own times—World War II, the Great Depression, blatant anti-Semitism, and struggling to fit in as children of first-generation immigrants. Their cautions and disciplines were meant to keep us from harm and help us to succeed. Still it was a hard slough for me and my siblings. We each dealt with it in our own way. I moved out as soon as I could, sensing that if I stayed I would be smothering myself. And yet those lessons linger on, appearing every so often unbidden, like a sudden downpour.