Butchblog

Okay, so we’re all going to die. I try not to think about it too much. What’s the point? Live for the moment and all that. Which I try to do, but at my advancing (quickly) age, I do find myself needing to make some decisions about that inevitability. For instance, do I want to struggle against that inevitable end if I’m no longer able to tend to myself, or if I have lost my ability to make sense of the world, or to communicate. My father died early from complications related to Alzheimer’s. He was lucky in a way, not having to continue a longer slide downhill. Do I want to have extreme measures used to keep me alive if I’m suffering from a terminal disease of body or brain? The answer to all of that  for me is a resounding NO!  And to that end Bev and I have both filled out Advanced Directives to let our family and our caregivers know that we do not want any extreme interventions. Filling out these easily available forms and having them notarized and given to the appropriate people insures that you go out on your own terms.

            Another fun aspect of approaching end-of-life is deciding about how you want your body to be handled and, if you’re so inclined, what sort of memorial service seems appropriate. Of course, you won’t be there. Remember, you’ll be dead. But still these decisions must be made. It’s not fair to leave it to your living family. And there are lots of choices these days: traditional burial in a cemetery, cremation, green burial, human composting, even deep space burial. Our little community is even now researching the possibility of having a community burial plot. I don’t pretend to be an expert on any of these choices and decisions. But there is  lots of good information available. Just Google burial and the whole world of death and dying will flood in. There are also several excellent books about all this end of life business. You’ll find a couple of good ones noted below.

            It was hard for me to decide about what I want at the end of my life, assuming I have any choice in it. Despite all the info. available, death is still a complete mystery. There’s no one I believe who can with any true authority tell me what happens after death. I’m talking to you, organized religion. My limited imagination tells me, the answer is nothing at all. The endless, dreamless sleep. Nothingness. Sorry if that bums you out. Like I said, this is my take only. I long ago gave up the notion of heaven or hell. Those are ideas meant to control, not to comfort. But back to which method of disposal, I choose cremation. It’s less expensive, doesn’t require the weirdness of embalming and buying expensive caskets and burial plots. I’ve asked my two daughters to spread my ashes out in the ocean. I think they’ll have fun with that.

            As to a final ceremony, I do want one, but I want it for my family and friends, so they can have a sense of closure or have a party and tell some stories. I’m vain enough to think there might be something worth remembering about me. They can even play some of my favorite music: Bob Dylan, Aretha Franklin, Fleetwood Mac. Like that.

            Having said all this, I still don’t really know anything for certain. Who does? I only get to live my life day-by-day, spend quality time with my wife and family and friends. Try to stay at least somewhat productive, watch my health so I have as many good years as possible, keep reading good books, and maybe write another one of my own.

Oh, and by the way, maybe play The Grateful Dead at that final service. I especially like “Trucking.”

• Advice for Future Corpses (and those who love them) by Sallie Tisdale
• In Love, a Memoir of Love and Loss by Amy Bloom
• Finish Strong: Putting Your Priorities First at Life’s End by Barbara Coombs Lee