Butchblog

Retirement is a tricky business. It can even be downright uncomfortable. I’m still trying to figure it out. I know what you’re thinking: What’s to figure out, buddy. All you have to do now is wake up late, drink coffee, and watch TV. Well, maybe that will work for the first few weeks, but how much coffee and TV can a person manage. The problem with retirement is boredom – plain and simple and debilitating.

 A disclaimer first: I know how damn privileged I am to even have the luxury of complaining about retirement. And I know that in these difficult times, there are many people my age and older who will never have the opportunity to retire, and many of those will have to spend their final years living in poverty.

            Still, I’ve gotta say it, retirement can be a bitch. Most of us, before retirement were very busy people. I was a teacher, and used to having a place to go to every weekday, and to have a community of people who I interacted with. That job provided me with a large part of my identity. And I was good at what I did. Now, who knows what or who I am. Just that guy who lives in the house up the street, whose car is almost always in the driveway.

            There are the usual remedies: get a hobby, volunteer, meditate, join a group, read the books you always meant to. The thing is, whether you become a wood turner or keep bees or volunteer at the local library, your efforts are still beside the point. Fight against it as you will, the retired person, by definition, is no longer part of the work force and so is not significant.

            To go on and stay in the game, one must find a way to be okay with himself or herself. Here are some ways that I’ve been working on that help me cope. Some days they’re even effective.

            I try to get up at a regular hour – 7:30 works for me. That way I feel like I have things to do, a day to look forward to and live in full. After getting up, and seeing to my morning ablutions, medications, and breakfast; I take a moment to feel an appreciation for being alive and for having the luxury of not having to go to work or to have to do anything of vital importance except to live. That’s a great feeling – the upside of this whole deal – what we’ve worked for all our lives. Then, if you’re as lucky as I am, and live in a beautiful place, you can take a moment or more to appreciate the beauty of the world around you. It’s been scientifically proven that being out in nature, even for a brief time, increases one’s sense of happiness. It rains a lot here on the Oregon Coast, but even on the rainiest of those days, I still feel moved by looking out at the trees blowing in the wind and the clouds rolling through, and, of course, the mighty Pacific Ocean. I feel at peace as I take my daily walk on the beach. Peace of mind – isn’t that what we all (young and old) are aiming for? And I get to have it – at least for an hour or two. No need to be greedy. Joy and happiness are not constant states. If you experience even a moment of pure joy in a day, it’s one worth remembering. And I’ve had more than my share since retirement.

            The next thing on my agenda is to get busy. I don’t necessarily mean doing physical labor, though that does seem to be a way that some guys I know cope with the retirement thing. They head out to the garage first thing in the morning and start pounding nails into 2×4’s, or tear out a perfectly good kitchen counter and replace it with a new one. It keeps them busy. I get it. But usually those same guys don’t have much to say in conversation.

            Don’t get me wrong, physical work is a great antidote to boredom and even keeps your property looking good, but there are other ways to leave the house and stay busy. I break these adventures into two categories: activities done for and with the body, and activities mainly done with the mind. It’s more important now than ever to take care of your body and to use it in whatever ways are still doable. I bought a stationary bike once the pandemic made going to the local YMCA unwise. I am now thankfully back at the Y. (The Covid years seems like a distant memory. But I’m not going to forget them, even if RFK Jr. and his ilk are.))  I also surf, which is the one thing that can make me forget age entirely. In the waves I’m neither young nor old, but simply present. (And I never once think about that evil orange psycho.) The whole day after boarding I’m high on endorphins.

            The brain is harder than the body to satisfy. The damn thing keeps talking back to you, with way too many criticisms and critiques, and old stories. I tell myself to “shut the hell up” quite regularly. But it’s important to keep the brain exercised. Talking to interesting people is vital, I think. And it’s also the biggest challenge. Retirement too often leads to isolation. I sometimes go whole days before realizing I haven’t exchanged one word with another human being other than my lovely wife. It’s not healthy. And “social media” is not the answer. Facebook friends are not real friends. You need an actual person standing in front of you to have an actual conversation. Sometimes you need to push out of your comfort zone, which, in truth, is not very comfortable at all, but simply a habit.

            And don’t forget casual conversations. Walk around the neighborhood. Say hi to the neighbors. Stick your head into places you don’t normally stick it. Even a banal conversation is better than no conversation. In fact, I sort of like banal. Especially in these weird political times.

            Whether physically or mentally, the challenge is to stay engaged. Don’t give in to that comfy seat in front of the television – as tempting as it may be. That path leads only to further disengagement. A few hours couldn’t hurt, though. Like they say, “All things in moderation, including moderation.” Hey, we’re still allowed to have fun. Maybe that’s even the key to the whole deal: Have fun. Repeat: Have fun.

            Retirement can be hard, but as in any transitional phrase, it can bring new understanding, and even a new sense of self. Now I’m gonna go check the waves.